I woke up early this Christmas Eve. My thoughts were not on gum drops and little babies but on what I have become. I don't know if Christmas is a good time to take personal inventory or not, normally a thing left for New Years, but I have and so I will.
I couldn't stop thinking that my spirituality has been beaten and bruised and because of this brutality I have not been the man I should be, not for God, not for Jenni, not for the students in my ministry (I am not looking for accolades so please don't tell me how wrong I am). It is not as though I have abandoned any of those three or others, it is more like I have been choosing easy routes. Churches can be messy places, having people in them an all. Sometimes what should be is a far cry from what is, and when you are young and idealistic and run into those walls of resistance and messiness, it can really throw you off course. I have literally not done things in my youth ministry in the past few years because I have said "it is not worth it". Not, "it's not worth the time," or "worth the effort", "money", "sacrifice", etc. the "it" is the putting my neck on the chopping block in order to maybe share the gospel with a few kids. Doing something that might rock the boat a little bit, not for the sake of rocking but for the sake of the gospel.
Realizing that my bruises have left me a bit broken is one thing, but beginning to choose the path less trodden is another. I want every area of my life to be centered around Christ like compassion and service, often times it is centered around Kent like desires and complaining... I need the renewal of the Spirit of God, I need the Christ Child to smile on me and heal my brokenness. I need the self-control and servant heart that only God can deliver. I don't know that big changes are necessary, rather, small changes - after all, life is lived in the details with rare moments of grandness and beauty.
Well, how is that for confession and repentance.
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Christmas is a great time for reflection. Think of all that Christ accomplished in the incarnation and how it is the beginning of every promise's fulfillment-- that fulfillment begins in each one of us. We do not have to remain as we are because we have that giant hand reaching down to us. Anyway, Kent, not to say anything nice to you, but your job ain't easy and I apprecitate all that you do.
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